WASHINGTON, D.C. (SPG) – The Rickover Campaign has yet to comment on the leaked Engineering Officer of the Watch Logs in which ADM Rickover, the Nuclear Party’s 124-year-old candidate for president, made several unprofessional and procedurally non-compliant comments about his operation of the Reactor Plant Control Panel in an unidentified Maneuvering room.

These remarks also recurred during an Nuclear Officer Ascension Interview conducted several month’s before the Admiral’s forced retirement.

The Admiral is heard to have bragged about his ability to violate the orders of the EOOW and bypass the on-watch Reactor Operator and operate the RPCP, seemingly at will. 

“I moved on [the RPCP] like an on-watch Reactor Operator. But I couldn’t get there. The EOOW stopped me. Then all of sudden I see the panel, - it’s got big shiny screens and everything. It's totally changed its look… Yeah, that’s the RPCP with the Type II screens. You know I’m automatically attracted to digital panels – I just start operating them. It’s like an immediate action. Just operate. I don’t even wait for orders from the EOOW. And when you’re an Admiral, they let you do it. You can Operate anything.”

The EOOW Logs end with Rickover declaring “Grab the RPCP by the Shim Switch. You can do anything.”

While this conversation mentions explicitly the RPCP, there have been serious allegations from a variety of maneuvering and engine room watch standers that Admiral Rickover routinely operated other panels and equipment at will, including the EPCP and CAMS, without direct orders from the EOOW or the OOD.  

It’s unclear if these remarks will have a sizable impact on the Admiral’s re-election bid. The Admiral, no stranger to controversy, has survived similar statements in the past, once calling former president and nuclear submarine officer Jimmy Carter a “f-cking NUB” while at the same time stating “I like my boats to be named after people who didn’t have a protective action.” 

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USS BUTLER. (SPG) – An alarming scene unfolded today as former Director of Naval Nuclear Power and current presidential candidate Admiral Hyman G. Rickover was rushed out of the Engine Room just minutes into his rally on the USS Butler on Saturday after loud noises that sounded like gunshots were heard forward of Maneuvering.

Admiral Rickover was on the ship at the Aft Escape Trunk speaking to sailors from the Engineering Department when he reached for the side of his face as popping sounds echoed through the area.

The Masters at Arms quickly secured the 124-year-old Admiral, Maneuvering (after receiving permission from the Engineering Officer of the Watch), then the rest of the Engine Room. MAs flanked him on all sides as they escorted him through the Reactor Compartment Tunnel. Blood was clearly visible on the right side of his face and his hand.

According to two senior law enforcement officials, initial investigations claim an unnamed MMA3(SS) was performing unauthorized maintenance on a high-pressure air valve without an adequate tagout. Subsequent plant operations caused the valve to receive 4500 PSI air mid-disassembly and blow apart, injuring both the sailor and Rickover with bits of shrapnel.

The sailor was treated for his injuries by the ship’s Corpsman with a combination of ibuprofen and Hello Kitty bandages.

According the campaign team, Admiral Rickover is currently safe, in good spirits, and expected to survive. He selected a My Little Pony bandage for himself, although he was highly irritated that the Corpsman only stocked cartoon themed medical supplies.

It is unclear if Rickover will attend the critique.

This is a developing story and will continue to be updated.

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WASHINGTON, D.C. (SPG) – During a post-debate press conference, ADM Rickover repeatedly refused to reveal his personal golf handicap.

“Per the Atomic Emergency Act of 1954, that information is subject to export controls and consequently we cannot release that to the public,” the 124-year-old Admiral flatly said. He did, however, offer to discuss that information in a secure environment with appropriate personnel who have “been read into NNPI.”

The comment was the only tangible reaction the ADM would provide concerning the content discussed during the first televised debate between presumptive Republican Nominee, Former President Donald Trump, and the incumbent opponent, President Joe Biden.

Rickover was invited to attend the event but declined, citing the refusal of debate organizer CNN to moderate the debate in accordance with Submarine Interior Communications and employ the “report, request, recommend” style of moderating.

Rickover did state that he felt confident he could best either of the leading candidates in both a round of golf and at combatting a fast leak from a double ended main coolant pipe shear. The Admiral credits his strong golf game, “…to the principles inscribed in the safe operation of the naval nuclear reactor plant; namely, procedural compliance, formality, and knowing when to use the 9 iron.”

The Admiral concluded the press conference with an open invitation for either candidate to join him on the Naval Reactors’ Golf course, a course which was previously only available to PNEO Admiral’s coin awardees and those qualified EDMC.

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WASHINGTON, D.C. (SPG) – According to sources familiar with the matter, Admiral Hyman G. Rickover has submitted a formal Departure From Specification (DFS) from Congress to run for President of the United States. 

Following the announcement of his candidacy this past April, many astute Constitutional scholars questioned Rickover’s eligibility to hold the Nation’s highest office. Rickover, who was born in Poland, fails to meet the constitutional requirement of being a natural born citizen of the United States. His opponents have routinely criticized his legitimacy as a candidate for this undeniable fact.

 Article II, Section 1, Clause 5:

No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

Rickover hired six different former JAG officers prior to finding one who was both previously designated in writing as the Quality Assurance Officer (QAO) by their Commanding Officer and willing to submit the DFS on his behalf. The JAG, who requested to remain anonymous, served as the QAO aboard the USS Colorado Springs before lateral transferring to the JAG Corps following a dispute with the ship’s Commanding Officer over the liberal use of REC exceptions.

When asked why he simply didn’t submit his own Congressional DFS, the Rickover campaign’s Director of Communications replied that the Admiral, “didn’t want to remove himself from the supervisory role.”

Rickover met with reporters to discuss what he called “an open and shut DFS approval” by Congress. The Admiral began the press conference with an opening statement, making his case for why he deserves to be exempt from the Constitutionally mandated natural born citizenship clause.

“In the over thirty-three years I spent cultivating the world’s premier nuclear-powered navy and fighting with the Bureau of Naval Personnel to find the right cadre of nuclear operators for this fleet, the most important lesson that I learned is that there is indeed a waiver for everything,” Rickover stated.

The press conference, scheduled to last one hour, only saw one question asked. After a Subpar reporter asked the candidate why the DFS was submitted as a “Minor” vice a “Major” departure, the former Admiral answer in detail, describing the history of the DFS process and at one point quoting the Joint Fleet Maintenance Manual Volume V Part I Chapter 8 verbatim in its entirety.

His response lasted an hour and a half.

The Subpar Group obtained a copy of the QA Form 12 submitted to Congress and is verifying its authenticity and compliance with the JFMM.

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ARLINGTON, VA. (SPG) – “Ladies, gentlemen, and esteemed senior-in-rate qualified operators, today marks a historic moment. Almost four decades after my departure from public life, I stand before you once more, ready to embark on a new and grand evolution—one that will reshape the course of our nation's future. I am here before you today to announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Now, the circumstances of my return are unconventional, even extraordinary, but let me assure you, my commitment to serving this country remains unwavering.

My journey began – almost half a century ago – with a routine CNO medical availability. This previously scheduled maintenance period was meant to last mere months but stretched into decades due to a cascade of errors and oversights rivaled only by those plaguing the USS Boise.

Upon my restoration to service, I was horrified by this timeline, and I immediately convened a critique – and what this critique revealed shocked me to my reactor core. The root causes of these delays lay not within the shipyard itself, but are instead bound like the pages of a newly printed RPM directly into the spine of this once great and procedurally compliant nation.

I found systemic deficiencies everywhere. Everywhere were procedural lapses, informalities, and a lack of questioning attitude.

It became horrifyingly clear to me that the watchstanders operating and overseeing the propulsion of this great nation are no longer thinking ones and, in their complacency, have allowed us to drift outside of our operating bands. In short, ladies and gentlemen, the great core of our noble society sits on the precipice of brittle fracture. Without careful analysis, our society faces a double ended shaft shear of the principles that bind us together.

What happened? What should have happened?

Through many nights of toil I pondered these questions. Through an endless cycle of critique and re-critiquing, the path to return the nation to inviolate became clear. I must assign myself the most important corrective action of my career - to become president of the United States.

And my fellow Americans let me assure you that this corrective action has been firmly scheduled.

But make no mistake my fellow watchstanders, the deficiencies and low level of knowledge that plague our government are deeply embedded. It will take time, energy and will to expunge them. Expunge them not just from Washington, but from the crusty and oily Aux Sea Water Bays and Shaft Alleys of our great country.

Yes indeed, this nation needs a great spot check. And I am standing before you today humbly asking for your permission to lead one.

My fellow qualified and unqualified watchstanders, the flow path ahead will not be easy - beset with head loss - but together, we can rise to meet the challenges of our time. I am calling on all Americans, from senior in rate qualified Shutdown Reactor Operators, to Junior EOOWs, to the NUBiest NUB standing Messenger to join my watchteam.

Together, we can build a brighter, more prosperous future for all Americans, one rooted in the values of integrity, ownership, and the pursuit of criticality.

Thank you, and God bless you, God bless the naval nuclear reactor, and God bless these fully qualified United States of America.”

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ARLINGTON, VA. (SPG) – Almost 38 years after his presumed death, Admiral Hyman G. Rickover has announced his return to public life. 

In July 1986, ADM Rickover entered a regularly scheduled CNO medical availability at Portsmouth Naval Medical Center in Kittery, Maine. A myriad of improper work controls, unauthorized body-alts, and funding shortfalls resulted in a 450 month delay to the originally planned six month maintenance period. 

Upon awakening, the Admiral held a command level critique, which he eventually upgraded to a country level critique after uncovering systemic nation-wide deficiencies that permeated the political, economic and social structure of the United States of America. The 83 page critique culminated with the lone corrective action of, “Become President of the United States,” an event which the critique classifies as “firmly scheduled.”

To avoid the negative publicity surrounding a delayed availability, rivaled only in length by the USS Boise, Admiral Rickover’s death was staged by the same professionals who orchestrated the moon landing, fabricated evidence of a spherical Earth, and lied to you about the terms of your enlistment. 

Speaking at the kick-off event on top of what was once his fake grave in Arlington National Cemetery, the spry ADM Rickover promised the electorate his presidential bid would strictly observe the watchstanding principles. 

Some of the hot-button issues he mentioned in his speech included increasing access to health care for those underway with just an HM2, four hours of protected sleep, and increasing accountability throughout the massive government bureaucracy by performing more spot checks to find taxpayer funds in “those hard to reach places.”

When asked whether he was concerned that voters would be reluctant to elect someone of his age (the retired admiral was literally conceived in the 1800s), he asserted he could outscore any other major-party candidate in a CTE, ORSE Exam, and PRT. Critics have been eager to mention that the 124 year old Rickover would be the oldest individual elected President by over 30 years. 

Rickover quickly rebuffed those criticisms as he unveiled the official slogan of his campaign, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of Criticality”.

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The Subpar Group will provide continuing coverage of the 2024 election for The Reactor is Critical. If you’re enjoying The Subpar Group’s work, please head over to their website for more SUBPAR content.